Hate that Creates the Hurt

You look weathered.
Your face sunken and sagging.
Your heart shriveled.
You reach towards me, barely held back by the invisible rope made of what is left of your values and morals. 
I hold you in my hands cupped together, barely holding all the loose pieces. 
Some mean slowly being poured into my heart against my will, the rest waiting to be released. 
You are the hate that creates the hurt.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

501 (c) 3

"We are a group" is how I used to start explaining Piper's Purpose. I would at some point in the conversation also share "no we don't have plans to become an official non- profit". Fast forward to today, the conversation has changed. "Piper's Purpose is a non profit, 501 (c) 3, with a board of directors, big dreams, great ideas and a targeted mission that includes nurturing connection and providing bereavement education in the pregnancy and infant loss community".  A little over two years ago, a little girl's heart stopped beating. She died. Her family began experiencing grief. Her purpose began. Piper's Purpose began to help me, Piper's Mom. Today I hope her purpose will continue to support others on their healing journey, starting with medical professionals.  Piper's voice is silent, but strong and I am honored to have learned from her and give her short life a lifelong purpose. 
Read more

When Happiness Comes Around

Today I had an hour alone. As I drove with the windows down, having space to experience the feel and sound of the wind blowing, I thought "I haven't been this happy in a long time." The thought was fleeting, because I became scared to think this. The months after after experiencing loss - I subconsciously was living and keeping myself in a place of "sad". For many reasons my spirit needed this to protect me during those initial months of deep grief and scary depression. There were chemical changes happening in my brain that were out of my control. My mind remained in this state because I believed that this was how I would feel forever and because it didn't seem fair to feel happy.  But today is different. When people told me my response to grief would change, and it's role in my life would shift with time- I didn't believe them.  But today is different,  I get it now.  No two timelines are the same for everyone.  Some people want to hear "it wil
Read more

Depression is more than a "thing"

Depression is wondering how you can do so much while being so sad and disconnected from yourself. It's wondering why you can be so many wonderful things to so many people and feel like nothing for yourself.  It's wanting so much for everyone else to get you, to get the "it" that haunts you, but knowing no one can say anything to make a difference. It's feeling so deeply it hurts. Managing depression is not an end goal. There is never an "end", there is only a path.  Depression is hating yourself, feeling alone in a crowded room, wondering why you can't just feel the way everyone else does. It's living in your 16 year old brain of self centered thoughts and risky behavior.  Depression makes you wonder and wonder. Depression makes you acutely aware that there isn't a cure to the ugly thoughts that haunt you. It robs you of joy, connection and clarity.  Depression is a demon, that only an exorcism can extract. There has to be an end, but at the
Read more