The Aftermath

I am acutely aware that my emotion and fragility about my Piper dying is not as deep and blinding as it once was. And yet, I still have moments where the hurt makes itself know, usually followed by "what if?", "I wish", guilt and sometimes anger (still). Her existence is part of this beautiful world, her spirit, her purpose, her selfless - love. But even this month, two years after she died- it still feels like that isn't enough.
I am brought back to her when I connect with the work I am doing with Piper's Purpose. But when I feel like what I am providing or saying is not enough to the ones who just lost their baby, can't conceive, have experienced added trauma at the hands of medical professionals, I am left with new sadness and dissapointment. Just lingering in my being. I want to do more, say the right thing that helps, carry a little of the burden for them... but that doesn't seem possible, and I know I can't stop someone from experiencing the waves of the grief that evolves from their love, and I dont want to. So what can I do?
I want to be able to fix and give answers, but I can't. Because, in reality, we all have a bit of "why?" that creeps in our thoughts. And I know I can't and shouldn't try to take that away.
I talked to my Mom about my struggle with knowing what to say when I meet Mommas who are sad, angry, confused and can't get through a moment without tears. She said "There is nothing to say, listen, be there. That's it mostly. May be you could ask, 'how is it going TODAY?'. "
So if you are reading this, I sit with you in your sadness and disappointment, confusion and anger, your waiting and hoping, your love and your grief. 
Your baby(s) exist. Hugs. 

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