Piper Lynn

Since we lost Piper, many women have shared their babies, their stories, their hurt and appreciation with me. These deeply fragile pieces of their life story are not ones easily shared or received. When a woman sais to me, "my miscarriage was much earlier than yours, so its not as hard as what you are experiencing," I am quickly reminded that even with our common thread, each of our stories are very different, yet we are quick to compare. Why do we do this to ourselves and others? May be because we feel a need to reassure someone else with comparisons that favor their story, may be because we need to find ways to lessen our ache. May be because as women we are endocterinated to compare, judge and question to survive society. Our stories are absolutely different, but those differences do not necessitate comparison. No story or life is of less value than another.  As humans we are each different and so are our experiences with loss and levels of connection to our pregnancy or b

Sitting.  Pain in my stomach. Remembering the boys days of birth. Remembering what I wanted with Piper.  Wanting to feel it all differently.  Hearing the cries.  Wanting more.  Wanting Piper and Wanting a baby in my arms.  Each place adds peace or dissapointment.  Sharing my story. Helping others. Being in places that remind me of what I wanted. Healing the large cracks in my heart.. Being in these places forces me to go there. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. To think about my experience. What I wish it would have been. What I hoped her to be.  People who can understand and see the importance. People who can't or won't dive into the truth about loss. I am at odds with the truth.  But I am here and so is she. 

JOY! My husband and I found out I was pregnant in May 2020, during the beginning of the COVID 19 pandemic in the United States. The new addition would be joyfully welcomed by three older and loving brothers. It was a bit of a surprise, I was scared, but chose to fill my thoughts with more Joy and less fear. I feared what having a baby in a pandemic would look and feel like compared to previous experiences. None the less, we carried on, wrapped our growing baby in our joy while silently hoping that our fourth child would be our first girl. And she was.  Prenatal Care and the Pandemic During the pandemic, prenatal care was different, appointments were done via telehealth and the medical world was preoccupied with new protocols brought on by COVID 19. I had an ultrasound completed at 10 weeks GA: normal. A follow up visit in the office at 12 weeks: normal. My 16 week visit was a telehealth call. I remember saying to the Nurse Practitioner "I just don't like that I cannot be in th