Piper Lynn

💗 Day 65  I look at this picture and wish I had more.  But I have one. I look at this picture and think about all the memories. Never had. Never felt. Fragments of the memories I wanted is all I have.  I could look at this picture and wish I had others with her and them together. I don't have any. I want a real picture that holds the memory, the feelings, the moment. But, the memory must be made first.  The memory must last.  The memory must be real.  I want to take my mind back to this picture, how I felt, the plans, the ideas, the vision of the future.  I sit now in that future, without those ideas, without those plans, without those visions.  I have one picture. But no more. 

💗 Day 63 Feel the real hurt, friend Let me hold you close, friend Give me the privelage of holding your "too much" hurt so you can stay on your path, friend. I love you as you are. Your silence. Your sadness. Friend, you don't scare me. I see that you are alone, but I will walk beside you. I feel your ache and know it's real. I see you trying- please stop, you don't have to right now. I don't have to 

 💗Day 58 You heard me say "It is so hard to be with you". You heard me say "It is so hard to be without you". But, you accepted.  You sat. You stayed. I experienced your tears water my soul and deepen my love. I saw your eyes hold mine, not too close and not too far. You soaked up my sadness, acknowledged my strength and encouraged my process. You stayed. You didn't have expectations. You stayed. You were a lion fierce and soft. You are TRUTH

💖 Day 62  The descend to the figurative dark hole has commenced  I WANT to turn around and climb back up. I can't. I can't will it, physically do it, mentally make it happen. My body and mind at odds with my soul. I am ready to get to the bottom, So I can begin the climb. I want to climb, I can't. I can't will it, physically do it, mentally make it happen.  I am ready to sore, but I am not certain that I will have wings to fly.  I am TIRED.

💗 Day 57  I recommit. I step away. I recommit, I dive in. My empty expectations threatening my grief. My grief, my daughter, my life, my connection. I dive into my journey  My journey was a story.  Today, my story ended, today the story I was telling no longer could be told. The story sewed the last stitch to my heart, my existence, I was living it. The story became my life. I dive in. 

💗 Day 56  I sit with fear. Fear of forgetting you, fear of remembering you.  I don't live in fear.  I escape when I want to and dive in when I am ready. I am ACTION 

💗 Day 55   This is a bereaved mother.  The grief holds space for the reality of her loss. It is evolving. The child is gone, yet she empowers. Her eyes are different,       She sees different,       She looks different. You may not see her tears, she may not let you. But they sit hidden back ready to release the feelings when she needs it.  The tears and forgiveness are her closest confidant. Never betraying her. She is excited. She is scared. Knowing now that accepting life's most beautiful offerings opens the doors for sadness, pain, and suffering to be an active participate in her journey. She is excited.  She is scared.  She no longer gets to exist in an empty world, powered by her fear and anxiety. She is open, brave, ready. She is LOVE. 

 💗 52 days from when I first met you and when I said goodbye, only moments apart.  How can I say Thank you to the life that took away all my senseless suffering and gave me real, beautiful, honest pain? This pain that will never go away, my companion in your absence. My memories sit in a glass vace protected for fear of losing you.  Visable Delicate like the physical life you owned. Your real presence in my life slowly feeding my power, slowly softening me.  How can I say thank you to someone I can't see and hold?  When do I get to know you heard me? How do I know you are ok?

Follow my journey through grief  and motherhood through poetry after the loss of our Piper Lynn.  You are not a 'what if' You are a 'what is' To me To us To the world You were a vision, painted from the love of two brush strokes. You are a storm building power every day that you are gone.  You gave us life. You are beautiful, you are you.